Finally....1995
I chose the song, Memories, as these events will always remain etched in my mind.
I awoke one morning and I was sure I heard my mother's voice saying get out of that bed. It was repeated several times. I sat up and looked around, there was nobody there but me.
I tried to get up but it was too difficut....I did,however,pick up the phone and called the neuroligist's office,spoke with his secretary and said I want to go into the hospital and I want to be taken off all this medication. Reluctantly, he admitted me, taking me off the Narcotic medications in THREE days. It was a NIGHTMARE. I spent three weeks there and by the time I left I knew what I had to do.
I found a new doctor,who sent me to one of the best MS Clinics in Ontario. I had another Evoked Potential and MRI done, and the results showed I had Multiple Sclerosis. I did not need a physiatrist.
I needed support in dealing with this disease and to try to get "some ants back in my pants". My family needed me, and I needed to be able to leave that walker behind and pick up "that dam cane".
Well, as many of you already know, that doesn't always quite work the way you want it to. I did,however, graduate from the walker to a schooter and "WENT OUTSIDE". It was beautiful out in that world. I didn't even care if people looked at me, I was ALIVE again!! No, the pain didn't go away, and I still fall frequently ,I get things confused at times, and I get very tired. I have to learn to pace myself and I find that very hard-but I am working on it.
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Now....1998
The MS has shifted into "a cronic progressive" stage. I lose full use of left side at times and have trouble swallowing. I need medication for my bladder,and I take amitpriptyline at night. I have tried many other non-narcotic medications but they made me feel so disoriented, I would not take them.
I can now enjoy my grandchildren,by listening to their stories, watching movies with them, playing barbies,listening to "Spice Girls",and sometimes alittle rough housing with my grandson. They fill my heart with such joy. My daughter and her husband are always there for me. I am so very proud of my daughter. Along with being a wonderful daughter and friend, she is also a wonderful mother.
My son has just recently moved away from home,to a different province and I miss him dearly. But he is doing great and I am very proud of him as well. He calls me at least three times a week.
I cannot forget my very dear friends, either. Those who help me laugh and are there when I cry. One of my dearest friends passed away in January of this year, I miss her so much. There is a void in my life that can never be filled. Back, during the time I spent in "my bedroom", she visited everyday, bringing me a Tim Hortons coffee,along with her friendship and encourgament. Unlike,other friends, she never gave up on me.
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It was through her that I was introduced to a variety of friends, one of whom, has become my very good friend. He too, has MS. He makes me laugh,and is someone who really listens. It is through him I learned many things about using the computor. Although, I won't tell him that.
<^.^>
I don't want him to get arrogrant on me. I will help him with his webpage, when he is ready.
^o^
And, of course, my other friends who are reading this know how much I appreciate their friendship. To my Dad and sisters-what can I say-(other than "I love you all")-You make me laugh and for sure, we try to be there for each other when we need a shoulder to cry on.
I believe we all have a "Mentor" in our life and I had a very special person who really helped me through some very difficult times these past few years. He is a Physiologist, a very unique person. Many times when I gave up, he pushed me onwards. Even when I was in hospital, he came there to talk with me and listen to me. He made me laugh, he listened to my fury, and most importantly...He helped me realize I wasn't crazy.
<^.^>
I remember a time when I was in his office and I got a call on my cell phone, that my Dad was rushed to hospital in critical conditition. I had no way to get there. This Doctor drove me the half hour drive to the hospital. I believe that God sent this man as a guardian angel to me and many others. Thank you Dr.T. for being there for me and believing in the fact that although I was handicapped, I was still an important person to many people.
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Today is December 17th,1998. For over five months now, I have had no feeling in my left arm or hand. I pray this,too, will pass. Yes,there are times I get very discouraged and ask "why me",I am working on trying to be strong and have faith. But I know,its no fairy tale, "what will be, will be", and I'm not sure how I will handle the unknown.
Well,there have been some new developments and I just had to share them with you.
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