FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
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The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at
the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself...
However, the gates are closed.
Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's
certainly good to see you.
I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone.
The tests are short, but you have to pass them before you can get into
Heaven.
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St. Peter, sir. But nobody
ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard;
life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three
questions.
Here is the first one: What days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
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Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- how many days in the week begin
with the letter "T?" Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and
Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I
was thinking, but ..... you do have a point, and I guess I didn't
specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer."
How about the next one?" asks St. Peter.
"How many seconds in a year?" "Now that one's harder," says Forrest,
"but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be
twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's
name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forest says "Shucks, there's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd. . . .
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this,
and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but
I'll have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let's go on with the next and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure" Forrest replied, "its Andy."
"Andy?!" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter.
"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two
questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of
Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied.
"I learned it from the song. . . . "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS
WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN....
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: "RUN FORREST, RUN.
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